Create a Gawd Damn Budget

So, Pat from the last article thinks she is ready to move out of her parent’s basement and get a place of her own. Pat is armed with her laptop and proficiency in Microsoft Excel. The next thing Pat does, unknown to her at the time, sends shockwaves through the world and sets her life on an unstoppable course of success, peace and happiness.

What is this thing that Pat does?

Pat creates a budget with Microsoft Excel.

Income Description	Monthly Gross Income ($)	Expense Description	Monthly Expenses	Monthly Profit
Grocery store gross paycheck	$2,400	Federal Tax Witholding (as shown on paystub)	$160
		State Tax Witholding (as shown on paystub)	$50
		Social Security Tax (as shown on paystub)	$130
		Health Insurance (as shown on paystub)	$40
		Dental Insurance (as shown on paystub)	$20
		Vision Insurance (as shown on paystub)	$20
		Food/Groceries	$400
		Rent to Parents	$240
TOTAL	$2,400		$1,060	$1,340

**NOTE: All the numbers in the budget table example above are made up and little thought was put into it on my end. The monthly income of $2,400 is $15 per hour at 40 hours per week. The monthly expenses values for tax withholding, insurance, food, etc. is a complete guess.

Pat also takes a look at her Checkings account balance on her bank website and makes a note of this in her Excel sheet:

Account	Balance
Checkings	$4,000

Now, just like that, Pat has a total financial picture of her life and can make any financial decision accordingly.

To re-cap:

Column 1: Gross Income	Column 2: Expenses	Column 3: Profit
List all gross income streams in the monthly income column. Gross means total earnings before any expenses like costs, taxes, and interest are subtracted. If your income is received weekly or bi-weekly, list that amount and multiply it accordingly to get your monthly value, or track your budget weekly or bi-weekly if you’d like.	List every single damn expense you have. Pat looks at her paystub and checkings account transaction history to see where her money is going.	This amount is Income minus Expenses. This is the amount you have leftover for whatever you can think of.

Pat’s first stab at a budget is complete and she is overwhelmed with joy and adrenaline. She has a lot to digest, so she takes a breather for a week or so while she thinks about her financial picture, what the budget is telling her, and her next move.

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